Go through divorce peacefully

When anticipating a divorce, many people's first thought is to “lawyer up”, and approach the process in an adversarial way.

This adversarial approach is stressful and slow—and very expensive.

Divorce mediation offers a much better process to help couples go through divorce in a way that is more effective and less expensive.

How it works

In mediation, you and your spouse talk through the different details of the divorce, facilitated by the mediator. You take the time to come to a solution that will work for both of you (and your children, if any).

This doesn’t mean that mediation is always smooth and easy. It’s normal to have some conflict as you go through the process. If you do, the mediator will help facilitate an effective discussion and negotiation.

What the divorce mediator will cover

The mediator will guide you through the many decisions you’ll need to make in order to file the paperwork for divorce. You will cover the following aspects:

Asset division

As part of the divorce, you and your spouse will need to discuss how to divide your assets. In Vermont, virtually all property is considered marital property, regardless of whether it is owned jointly or individually. Vermont law says that it should be divided “equitably”.

This doesn't necessarily mean a 50/50 split. The law directs the court to consider multiple factors when dividing property, and you can refer to those factors as you determine how to divide the assets.

Assets you’ll need to divide include:

• Real Estate: Your home, investment properties
• Retirement: IRAs, 401Ks, pensions
• Vehicles: Cars, RVs, sport vehicles
• Bank accounts: Checking, savings, CDs
• Personal property: Furniture, possessions

Spousal Support

In some situations, spousal support (often called “alimony”) may be appropriate. The law outlines specific criteria for whether, and how much, spousal support is indicated.

Spousal support may be appropriate if one person:

• Lacks sufficient income, property, or both, to provide for his or her reasonable needs
• Is unable to support himself or herself through appropriate employment at the standard of living established during the civil marriage or is the custodian of a child of the parties

For example, if one parent stayed home for a significant amount of time to care for the couple’s children during the marriage, he or she did not earn income during that time, and may need training or time to get a job to support himself or herself. In this case, it would be reasonable for that spouse to request spousal suport.

The law gives judges guidelines for determining spousal support. You and your spouse can use these guidelines as a starting point for your discussions, and you are free to negotiate whatever arrangement is agreeable to you both.

Parenting Plan

If you have children, there are many decisions you will need to make together to file for divorce. It’s important to take the time to work out an agreement that is acceptable to you both, as you will need to work together for the benefit of your children for many years.

Some examples of parenting decisions you’ll need to make:

• Parent-Child Contact: How much time will the children spend with each parent?
• Parental Rights and Responsibilities: Who will make the “big” decisions regarding the children? Both of you, or just one of you?
• Holidays: How will you allocate holidays?
• Vacations: How will you allocate school vacation time?

Divorce Filing

Once you have come to agreement on all the details, Erik can create the court paperwork for you to file. You can review the paperwork with an attorney if you like, and when you are both ready, you can sign and file the paperwork with the court as an uncontested divorce.

Working with Divorce Attorneys

If you or your spouse is working with a family law attorney, either of you can have the attorney join the mediation, if it is acceptable to both spouses.

However, in many cases, it’s not necessary to have your attorney attend, because you can review your decisions and negotiations with your attorney between mediation sessions. If your attorney advises changes, you can discuss that in the next mediation session.

Cost of Litigation

When couples pursue a legal approach instead of using mediation, the cost can be substantial. And it’s more than a financial cost — there is also an emotional cost from the stress involved, and often a cost to the working relationship of the couple, which can prolong the conflict if you have children.

When the court order is handed down at the end of a legal battle, if one person feels resentful about it, the working relationship is usually damaged. This impacts their ability to co-parent successfully, and the children often suffer as a result.

Regarding the financial cost of a litigation approach, you both need to get attorneys, so from your assets you'll be spending $6,000 to $10,000 just to get started. Total costs average about $9,000 per person if there are no children involved, and $12,435 per person when children are involved. (Reference)

Cost of Divorce Mediation

The good news is that divorce mediation costs much less than if you each get a divorce attorney.

The cost of divorce mediation depends on whether you have children, how complex your situation is, and how well you work together. The rate for mediation sessions as well as court paperwork is $200 per hour.

Most couples need 3 or 4 two-hour mediation sessions, and court paperwork usually takes 4–5 hours. So for most couples, the cost is under $3,000 total. You each would pay half that amount (or you may decide to pay from joint assets).